Lost, But Learning: Finding the direction in the detours
When I was 15, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. My plan felt solid, my path was clear and I was convinced that the sooner I “figured it out,” the smoother everything would be. Fast-forward to 19, and I’m in a completely different place — literally and figuratively. My career goals have shifted, my vision for the future has changed, and some days, I feel like I’m walking through fog without a map.
And honestly? It’s uncomfortable. We’re told that “being ready” is a prerequisite for success — that if we just plan enough, prepare enough, and make all the “right” moves, the path will unfold neatly in front of us. But life doesn’t work like that. Plans change. Priorities shift. And sometimes, the thing you thought you were meant to do at 15 no longer fits who you are at 19.
Why We Crave a Plan
Psychologically, humans are wired to want certainty. Research on intolerance of uncertainty shows that our brains see unpredictability as a potential threat, triggering stress responses even when nothing bad has happened yet. Having a plan feels safe because it gives our minds something concrete to hold onto — a way to believe we’re in control.
In Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, early adulthood is all about identity — trying on different roles, discovering your values, and figuring out where you fit. The catch? This process is messy, nonlinear, and often full of detours.
The Myth of Being “Ready”
Here’s the truth I’m learning: readiness isn’t a moment you arrive at — it’s something you build along the way. I used to think that once I had enough experience, clarity, or confidence, then I’d feel ready to take the next step. But more often than not, it’s the other way around. You start, you stumble, and somewhere in the middle of figuring it out, you realize you’re more capable than you thought.
Waiting until everything feels certain might mean you never start at all.
Letting Yourself Pivot
Changing your mind isn’t failing — it’s evolving. The version of me who made those big plans at 15 didn’t have the experiences, perspective, or growth I’ve had since. Of course my direction has changed. That’s what growth looks like.
I’ve learned to see each shift not as “starting over” but as adding layers to who I’m becoming. Every detour has taught me something I couldn’t have learned if I’d stuck to the original map.
If You’re Feeling Lost Right Now
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re not the only one.
Your 20s (and honestly, your whole life) will be full of unexpected turns. And while not knowing can feel scary, it also means you’re open to possibilities you haven’t discovered yet.
Instead of asking “When will I have it all figured out?”, I’m starting to ask:
What can I learn from where I am right now?
What’s the smallest next step I can take?
How can I make peace with not having the full picture yet?
Because being “lost” isn’t a permanent state — it’s just a snapshot in time. And if you’re still learning, you’re still moving forward.
Final Thought
Life isn’t a straight line — it’s more like a messy, beautiful scribble. The plans you made at 15 were right for who you were then. The shifts you make now are right for who you are today. And one day, you’ll look back and realize every detour was leading you somewhere important.
Reference
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and Crisis. 1968. Journal of Extension, 6(4).
